for the first time when i'm 23

soundtrack: Chizh & Co - Krugom Taiga
mood: smokin' hookah, drinkin vodka

this is the first post when i'm 23. yes, this past friday i turned 23. what an age! those birthdays make me feel sort of bitter-sweet. on one hand a year has passed and i've learned more, on the other hand one year less to live. anyhow, this birthday was very nice. i've spent it surrounded by my old friends and it has been really good - drinking, joking, talking. as they say: you'll spent your next year the way you've met it and if the coming year means being surrended by old friends while drinking and joking - i say yes!

now on the other note, i'm kinda sad that since i've broken up with my old girlfriend, i've become closed and caucious about people. it's really weird, but it's just not the same anymore. i think all the girls i meet, i don't make an appealing performance anymore. the bizzare thing is that i'm just too scared to open up - i've done it once and got hurt by this woman who doesn't even understand it and who still keeps on writing me occasional emails, thinking that things are fine and we should re-start talking. no fucking way! you've gone too far, darlin - make me open up, hurt me and then expect to be friends and all. thanks but no thanks.

fuck, it seems like i'm using this place as some kind of area where to get my bitterness out. even if i do - who cares, barely anybody reads it!

after some time

mood: nighttime delirium
soundtrack: Russian Songs 101 Radio

wow, it's been a while since I wrote here for the last time. for the past month and a half I've been overwhelmed with the amount of work there has been. i've been literally tearing myself apart between school work, search for internships, socializing and sleep. can't recall the last time I worked my a$$ off as much.
it's a pity i have barely had any time for personal life while juggling between all these things that are going on around me.
but then there is temporary light at the end of the tunnel. i will be leaving for richmond during thanksgiving. it's unbelievable but i haven't seen val for 2 years now. time really does fly, because i can clearly recall our last meeting. it was in dc, thanksgiving 2004. anyhow, this break is promising as i will be celebrating my birthday in richmond with val, tanya, beslan, kamol and the rest of rcn crew. at the same i will also have to start working on some of my end of semester researches, but let's not talk about them right now.
i've also decided to go home for this winter break. it has been 4 years since i was home for christmas for the last time and this was a big reason for my decision to head to estonia this christmas. i just feel so alienated from my family and going there now would be a good occassion to strenghten my links. at the same time this trip will allow me to relax properly after this intense semester and think through the strategy to secure a worhtwhile experience for the summer. this wouldn't have been possible if i would stay in the states cus my stay would involve constant movement from one place to another.
feel like i should perhaps go crash as tomorrow i will need to prepare for the midterm the whole day + meet this russian media figure Kiselev who is coming to Middlebury to speak. oh man, the life here never slows down...

america goddamit

mood: stlightly tipsy
soundtrack: Clementine/Stephanie Pompougnac - Morenito (bossa mix)

it's been a week of continuous boozing. i've gone to classes but outside of that i've been drunk every other night. it's cool, but i feel i'm getting enough of this place. these american parties with 18-year old college girls running around are really getting on my nerves. it was fun for two years, but now i feel like i should move on. i'm figuring out that after two years in one place i get bored with it and it doesn't excite me anymore. well, i'll be off to france in the winter which is sort of exciting. i just feel generally down and lazy at this point. guess i should just smoke my evening cigarette and head to bed, cus i'm tired and there's so much fucking work to be done...

back in u.s, back in u.s.

mood: school again
soundtrack: Erlend Oye - Symptom of Disease

rest of spain
so, i'm back in vermont. the rest of the trip went well, in malaga we met a canadian dude and two superhot german ladies with whom we had amazing time. after that we left for sevilla. the town looked beautiful but after a long trip from malaga we were too exhausted to enjoy it. part of the reason was the fact that we stopped by gibraltar on the way there which was an impressive experience. it's a very small territory with a huge rock in the middle of it surrended by the houses. most of the workers down there are spanish but nevertheless the place has an english feel to it with the pubs, architecture and the accent people speak with. a very curious detail there is the airport. the runaway crosses the main street of the town. so during plane take-offs and landings they just put on the red light and let the plane land. never seen that anywhere else but it's definitely worth a look :)
coming back to sevilla. as we dropped off our car we took a taxi down to the bust station. i was wearing those goddamn shorts with shitty pockets. as we were going out of the car,my cardholder which had all my credit cards in it just fell out and the taxi drove off with it. since it was 30 minutes before the bus, 11 taxi companies in town and because our non-existing spanish skill we decided to move on. i lost all my credit cards and the insurance card. thank god i was with eirik who lent me some money. also, i had some u.s. dollars in the other wallet which was in my bag. thus i survived fine and made it to the states no problem.

portugal
absolutely goregous place judging by lisbon. we spent an amazing day in this stylish city at the far end of the iberian peninsula. even though one could hear plenty of foreigners it was far less tourist oriented than spain. hence as opposed to spain, the portugal experience was less commercial. the people are very welcoming and warm but they seem to be much more sincere than the spaniards.
we stayed with a family of vani's portuguese friend. these people were amazing. they gave us hints where to go in town and cooked an amazing dinner in the evening! the dish was called bacalaou - it's a mix of potatoes, onions and codfish baked in the oven. we had that along with some fine portuguese wine. then tried some porto which turned out is much more consumer outside of portugal.
after dinner i stood talking to ana's sister maria who works as a consultant for mckinsey. she had some interesting stories to tell and even though one could see many of them as discouraing from the corporate life, i still want to do it :)

arrival in the states
very brief. met with george in jfk. got wasted before the plane. got my eau de toilette taken away at the security check. slept through the flight. lost my luggage on the way.
three days later it appeared that luisa had taken my backpack by mistake. out of all people, her! sometimes i get a feeling that it's a neverending story. but now it seems ok, i hasn't bumped into her in a while and have no desire to do so. i seem to be getting over her but for some reason i cannot care less about her at this point. we'll see where it'll take us.
wow! that turned out to be a long post, but oh well...more details about the start of the school year later!

viva la spana, joder!

mood: best
soundtrack: some radio in the internet cafe (brian adams?)

we´ve been travellin for 5 days by now. the first day in madrid wasn´t that special except for meeting a nepali guy in an indian restaurant who kept on asking whether it´s possible to stay illegally in the northern europe. and then the next day got slightly fucked over by a cab driver of moldavian origin. he seemed trustworthy and spoke russian but at the end of the day we figured out that we did pay too much. oh well.

that same day we set off for alicante where we stayed in a hostel which essentially was a re-made old spanish house. we´ve met a canadian girl sarah who studied there as an exchange student several years ago. hence she immediately became our guide and the local connection. beers, tapas, beaches etc was all part of the game. we didn´t manage to do much sightseeing but we had good time anyways. on our last day there we´ve met an irish girl who went to the beach with us but she was nothing special.

yesterday we have arrived in andalucia. at the moment we are in granada. this place is absolutely gorgeous. the interplay of the location and history of this place make it unbelievably amazing. it´s a pity i don´t have my camera on me, although then i would have to upload my pictures ten times a day.

another pecularity of the region is the female beauty. i have never seen so many good looking girls gathered in one place. it´s a pity they don´t speak that much english!

anyhow, i´m having a great time and don´t want to go back to middlebury, mwahaha!

home goes on

mood: just fine
soundtrack: royksopp - only this moment

so, i've been home for a week now and it has been absolutely fabulous. i've been meeting my old friends every day many of whom have changed, gotten families etc. anyhow, it's a pleasure to see that things don't stand still here. in fact, for a second a thought of coming back crossed my mind but then again i think it's a bit too early at least at this point.
one of the most interesting things that happened to me these days was meeting a soldier from the french foreign legion. this kid is from our town and has been serving in the legion for 4 years now. i met him at this party at vanya's borther's summerhouse. he told me a lot about france. he really dislikes it. the guy has learnt the language and integrated quite well apparently but at one point he started feeling being thrown off. well, he made an effort and didn't like it which is fair enough. the most ironic thing here however is that he's serving for the legion which essentially means that he's protecting the country which he doesn't really like. well, i guess it's some kind of soldier thing, not to question these kind of things. anyhow, we agreed to meet in france when i'm there next spring. he's stationed outside toulouse and we agreed to meet in marseille. the interesting thing is also the fact that he wouldn't talk about the legion, whatever question i would ask he would change the topic. guess it's some kind of promise he gives.
tomorrow i'm off to tallinn and as i found out a friend of mine works as a project manager at a construction of the tallest building in the capital, so i'll go to see that. and afterwards, there's a birthday party that i'll need to attend.

back in europe

mode: home sweet home :))
soundtrack: some russian radio

i've been in estonia for four days only and already so many things have happened. in fact, by now i have driven through most of the country. on tuesday i went to saaremaa (an island east of the estonian mainland) to meet ross and his family. they came there after their tour of russia and belarus. we stayed at this spa and they were really happy with their visit as according to them estonia has gone a long way from the ussr times as opposed to russia and belarus. we went out on saaremaa with ross and his sister - drank a lot but didn't get too drunk, probably because of the sea climate. and then next day we headed to parnu resorts and returned to tallinn where i put them on the plane.
next i went to see vano (the newly-married dude) who is staying with his wife at the in-laws' house. we went to sauna and then barbequed and drank. i missed vano. it was great to sit down with him and drink until 5 am while talking about the most random stuff. and as usually we woke up at 3pm next day, when i went to a hair dresser and headed home where i am right now.
tomorrow, i'm here and on the weekend i'll be off for some family times involving fishing etc. also vano's brother invited me to join them at their summerhouse. i'm definitely going to go. one of his friends is part of the french foreign legion, so it will be very interesting to meet him as well as everybody else.
anyhow, some busy days are coming up right here.
i've gotten a roadmap from my dad and have started slowly planning our route in spain. i can't wait! this will definitely be exciting! more updates coming soon as the vacation will progress!